I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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