Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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