if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
