I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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