FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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