I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this