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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.

  Fav 8 931 2430

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• (914): View more from New York

  is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?

  Fav 44 1765 5931

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  So many bounce houses so little time

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.

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• (716): View more from New York

  OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.

  Fav 9 1862 1069

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• (917): View more from New York City

  You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (386): View more from Florida

  How was the party last night?

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Spopky scrzy skeletonssz

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• (631): View more from New York

  I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance

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• (386): View more from Florida

  Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve

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