So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.