Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.

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  (651): By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/hsj3
  Replies (14) Good night (790) Bad night (1777)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman

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  (440): Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman http://tfl.nu/2u4y
  Replies (9) Good night (641) Bad night (3997)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.

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  (505): well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop. http://tfl.nu/fta9
  Replies (14) Good night (5553) Bad night (744)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more

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  (205): I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more http://tfl.nu/noxu
  Replies (39) Good night (1130) Bad night (5358)
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  (805): View more from California

  You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.

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  (805): You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street. http://tfl.nu/uxg0
  Replies (15) Good night (6686) Bad night (2088)
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  (562): View more from California

  even your uterus rejects him.

  (1-562): View more from California

  apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.

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  (562): even your uterus rejects him. (1-562): apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body. http://tfl.nu/g0cm
  Replies (7) Good night (5301) Bad night (1132)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday

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  (217): Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday http://tfl.nu/gng4
  Replies (5) Good night (1934) Bad night (793)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.

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  (801): I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey. http://tfl.nu/fucb
  Replies (8) Good night (2320) Bad night (1029)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying

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  (609): Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying http://tfl.nu/j2oh
  Replies (8) Good night (2858) Bad night (919)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!

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  (203): I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish! http://tfl.nu/uppy
  Replies (4) Good night (1675) Bad night (689)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.

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  (563): I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating. http://tfl.nu/5u43
  Replies (2) Good night (1156) Bad night (1338)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.

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  (804): by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious. http://tfl.nu/gquc
  Replies (2) Good night (2643) Bad night (590)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.

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  (828): I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since. http://tfl.nu/iexd
  Replies (4) Good night (842) Bad night (1302)
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  (310): View more from California

  may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...

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  (310): may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy... http://tfl.nu/t47h
  Replies (11) Good night (600) Bad night (1156)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

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  (479): DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. http://tfl.nu/l2ld
  Replies (8) Good night (302) Bad night (1155)

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