I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
