I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
