Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.

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  (405): i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy. http://tfl.nu/1yd9
  Replies (19) Good night (3505) Bad night (820)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  How are you feeling today?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i could've thrown up on command at any point today...

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  (907): How are you feeling today? (330): i could've thrown up on command at any point today... http://tfl.nu/ewp1
  Replies (10) Good night (1177) Bad night (4608)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes

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  (316): i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes http://tfl.nu/q5w9
  Replies (25) Good night (5556) Bad night (1690)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.

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  (361): She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation. http://tfl.nu/alpd
  Replies (24) Good night (1150) Bad night (5722)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.

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  (712): i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat. http://tfl.nu/sn6a
  Replies (5) Good night (3793) Bad night (1034)
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  (323): View more from California

  When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.

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  (323): When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection. http://tfl.nu/ukok
  Replies (12) Good night (1634) Bad night (3258)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.

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  (479): Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day. http://tfl.nu/trmx
  Replies (2) Good night (2969) Bad night (749)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Wanna skype?

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.

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  (425): Wanna skype? (1-425): Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no. http://tfl.nu/gc87
  Replies (7) Good night (2444) Bad night (919)
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  (619): View more from California

  Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...

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  (619): Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by... http://tfl.nu/g8gw
  Replies (9) Good night (3870) Bad night (809)
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  (858): View more from California

  I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?

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  (858): I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again? http://tfl.nu/4q23
  Replies (4) Good night (1306) Bad night (602)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.

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  (785): Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock. (785): I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice. http://tfl.nu/kw5d
  Replies (9) Good night (1653) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.

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  (219): Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel. http://tfl.nu/qebb
  Replies (8) Good night (2265) Bad night (625)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman

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  (520): Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman http://tfl.nu/fkwg
  Replies (3) Good night (623) Bad night (460)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.

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  (937): Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more. http://tfl.nu/fpyx
  Replies (1) Good night (444) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.

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  (315): She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight. http://tfl.nu/lw42
  Replies (7) Good night (308) Bad night (729)

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