Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.