you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
