Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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