Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
