Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
