I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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