I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
