I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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