you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
