so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize