This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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