Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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