i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
