I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
