I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
