3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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