please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
