I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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