why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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