IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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