So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
