This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
