what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So much Jack, so little girl.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
