I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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