I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
