she kept yelling 'call me bella'
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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