Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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