my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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