So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
