Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
