There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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