By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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