living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
