I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
