I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
