Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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