Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
