after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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