i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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