My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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