My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
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I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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