They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
