If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
