I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
