Slut skills are useful in every country.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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