I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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