So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
