Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
