you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
