I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
