so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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