Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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