I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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