I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
