you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
