mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
