screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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