I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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