i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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