Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
