Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
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My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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