I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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